The Undercurrents- Part 1

You're still there, in 2009.

It seems the last time I saw you, time stood still. Not in that moment but in a moment a year ago. Pushing, you moved my firmly grounded feet to spaces unsteady and unknown to battle, recreate and reground. Mockery behind masks of support and intentions that are strangers to both, you and me, guided and dictated actions and manipulations. Twisted mind of misery was it?

It doesn’t seem fair that you’re inability to reside in happiness should make marks on my ability to be happy right? But it did. It made marks that were really deep and somewhat unforgettable. It isn’t like I haven’t tried to forget. Because I have. I’ve tried really hard. Sometimes memories don’t like to leave. The good part is, sometimes memories don’t bring back memories of the emotions, just empty reels of films that were shot a long time ago.

I’m not scared. I’m not scared of losing anyone. I’m scared of not knowing. I agree. But I’m not scared of not knowing anymore than any other average human being is.

J.K. Rowling once said in the words of Albus Dumbledore,
“Fear of the dark, is nothing but the fear of the Unknown.”

So ofcourse, I am scared but that doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t change anything. I’m still learning and I’m still trying. That’s what really matters.

Getting to the point of it, you asked me to move forward, to let go, to grow. I did. I think somewhere along the way, you forgot that you need to do the same. You can’t live in a time that has past and you can’t keep doing things that you did 2 years ago. I moved on, but you’re still there, in 2009.